Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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