You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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