Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
