It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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