the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
