u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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