Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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