The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
