My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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