I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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