I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
