arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
