She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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