wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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