I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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