you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
now i know why i became what i already was.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
