just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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