So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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