I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
