We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize