Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
