he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
