On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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