My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
