I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
