I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
