Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
