I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
