You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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