she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
