Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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