Nicole vs. Life
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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