if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
