The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
