I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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