the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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