Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
