next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
