I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
