Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
