Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
