I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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