forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize