Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
