hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
