i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
