chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
