You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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