It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
