My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
