Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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