We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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