just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
