i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
