Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
