he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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