i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
