i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
