Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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