I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
