you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
