I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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