i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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