I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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