now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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