girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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