Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
