Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
