Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
